Movie Review: 47 Ronin (2013)

Written by Anthony Sargon

The legend of the 47 Ronin is known around the world. It’s an incredible story of courage and sacrifice, and it definitely deserves the big-screen treatment. Unfortunately, “47 Ronin” is not the movie this story deserves, and ends up being one of the year’s worst releases.

The story revolves around a group of Ronin (masterless samurai) who set out the avenge the death of their leader after he was bewitched and betrayed by a rival shogun. Don’t ask me how or why Keanu Reeves ended up in this, but I’m guessing it was to appeal to Western markets.

There’s plenty wrong with “47 Ronin”, but the most glaring flaw is the film’s laughable dialogue. Seriously, it sometimes sounds like the movie was written by a seven-year-old, and you’ll often laugh when you’re not supposed to. Of course, if the acting was up to snuff, then the crappy dialogue could maybe stand a chance, but that’s also a major issue in the film.

Most of the cast is international, which is fine, but they all have terrible, cringe-worthy English accents that end up being distracting. I don’t expect Japanese actors to have perfect English accents, but if I’m going to sit through two hours of movie, they should be somewhat proficient with the language. I don’t even know why the film was made in English in the first place.

I also want to dedicate some time to discuss Rinko Kikuchi’s performance as the witch Mizuki. Her performance and line-delivery were so awful and painful to watch that she deserves a special mention. I hope that by writing this, I can make it a little bit harder for her to find work, because as bad as the film is on its own, she made it that much worse.

The film does have a few redeeming qualities, but at this point I’m just desperate to find something positive to say. The effects can be cool at times, and I dug some of the creature designs. Other than that, the 3D was blurry and distracting, so if you’re still going through with this after what you’ve read, at least watch it in 2D.

Keanu Reeves plays his usual uncharismatic self, and while it’s cool to see him in his action wheelhouse, you can’t help but think he could have done something infinitely more interesting. The film’s sole redeeming performance comes courtesy of Hiroyuki Sanada, who plays Oishi, and he’s the only reason you even care about the 47 Ronin and their story.

The Verdict:

“47 Ronin” is easily one of the year’s worst. Avoid it at all costs.

Numerical Score: 4/10

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